Relationship Trust

CAN THE FRACTURED HEART BE HEALED?

A woman's trust is a very important thing.  When she places that trust in a man and is taken to the very brink of sanity, how does she get back to trusting the next man who comes into her life?  I asked a very candid question of a longtime male friend of mine and I want to share this answer with you from that male perspective.

Cee:  "Do you believe it is possible for a man to love a woman beyond the pain and bring about healing in that woman. If so, can you give an example of how you would achieve it?"


Shawn:

"Wow, uhhhh yes it is possible, it takes understanding. Part of the understanding is recognizing that although the man may empathize with his woman's situation, he could never really know exactly where she is coming from, because he is not her. Once he establishes this with her (and this is the tricky part), and she can appreciate that from him, they can grow together and create their whole new life; free of pain. I mean if she can respect that fact that he does not have all the answers but will be mindful of what may be sensitive to her, they can move forward and build a life together. This is written from the perspective of the woman carrying past pain and meeting someone new who is willing and able to understand.

If the man was the source of the pain; I am not sure. It takes a really strong woman to want to allow herself to be so vulnerable with no regret. Anything is possible, but unless all is forgiven, to the point of almost forgetting, it cannot be obtained. It is just a fool's paradise."


Shawn is divorced but still an actively involved parent. 

The Importance of Premarital Counseling

Written by:  N.J. McCandless

(With Minimal Editing by Cee Collins)

 

I want to recognize the pastor who married us so many years ago. She's at another church now. She is a wonderful lady.  I started attending her church then took my fiance along. Then I moved 8,000 miles away. She worked with my schedule flying back from Japan to offer us mandatory premarital counseling--equivalent to 6 months; being with her all day to get the hours in. She really set aside some time to do this. All day with us? Hahahaha You know pastors are busy already!
She was so thorough too. She said my fiance and I had already discussed a lot of things; we had.
 The pastor went over everything from finances to child rearing. She didn't leave one stone unturned either.

 This pastor gets to know her couples. Her homily at our wedding was as if she were related to us! It was wonderful.

One word of advice I offer anyone contemplating marriage is "premarital counseling." To me if a pastor does not make it mandatory then there's no concern about the couple's future.  My pastor does not marry any couple without 6 months of premarital counseling.

After moving back to NJ the second time, this pastor even christened the children too. When we moved away and found a church she sent us the sweetest letter.

 If you're not involved in a church there are private counseling services that also offer premarital counseling.  If parents have a strong foundation first they will build a strong foundation for their children.

 N.J. McCandless and her husband have been married for 23 years.  They are military veterans with 2 children. 

ATTRACTION

ATTRACTION - HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT?

When you first meet someone, there is almost no feeling better than that euphoric feeling of love.  Well, let's scratch love right now and say attraction.  Both can make you feel the same thing but with attraction, when the intensity fades, sometimes so does the attraction.  Luckily, right now we are only going to talk about the attraction before it fades.

Personally, I love the rush I get when the man I am attracted to walks in the room.  I don't even have to be looking in his direction but I can still feel him.  It's as if the entire room becomes brighter and I experience this delicious tension which causes my breathing to pause momentarily.  And then his eyes meet mine and he smiles.  Yes, that about does it folks.  I can think about that moment throughout the day and it will automatically lift my spirits.

Now there are many things that can attract you to someone.  I haven't used the terminology 'a body like Adonis' in a while and to say it would mean that I've just witnessed some incredible eye candy. While this could start an attraction; it's quite possible that it could be only a superficial attraction.  This is because you want to get to know someone.  You want to know what their thoughts are on a wide range of subjects.  Heck, you want to know what their thoughts are of you. 

Somehow even just writing about an attraction to someone makes me want to burst out in song.  Just any happy crazy song and maybe a few songs all combined together.  Kind of like a Jumping Jack Flash moment.  An intense attraction can seem to throw your whole world off-kilter but it feels marvelous at that time.

Now everyone knows the male is the ALPHA, right?  He is the aggressor and the female plays the submissive role.  I believe some of the most important factors in attraction are taking your time, communicating and getting to know one another.  However, there are times when all of those things go out the window.  There are times when there is no denying something is right and you just go with it.  Afterall, if you don't take the chance, how will you ever know?

Your comments are welcome.  CAM2013